Monday
Q: How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Wanna go bike riding?
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town’s name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee, “Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are…very slowly?”
The blonde leaned over the counter and said, “Burrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiing.”
Wednesday
A carrot crosses the road and is hit by a car. He is rushed to the hospital, where he goes through hours of surgery.
After surgery the doctor comes into the carrot’s room and says “Well, I’ve got good news and bad news.”
The carrot says, “Give me the good news first, doc.”
The doctor says, “The good news is you’re gonna live.”
“And the bad news?” asks the carrot.
“THe bad news is your gonna be a vegetable for the rest of your life.“
Thursday
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“Oh, well, you can come with me to my house,” instructed the lawyer.
“But, sir, I have a wife and two kids with me!”
“Bring them along!” said the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, “You come with us, too.”
“But, Sir, I have a wife and six kids!” he answered.
“Bring them as well!” answered the lawyer, as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll love my place. The grass is almost a foot tall!”
Friday
Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
A: He doesn’t want anybody to know he hooks up with chickens.
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